Jillian

1

Jillian was in the rapture of one of her great musings.

"But what I really want is to be a personal assistant, or to go door-to-door and help people get organized. Not, like, as a psychologist, but I might be good at that, too. More like helping people get the right bins and sort through their stuff. Just go in and help people get organized."

"You really like organizing?" Megan asked. Megan was not listening. She pronounced it flatly. "You really like organizing."

"I'm obsessed," said Jillian. "My house is packed with color-coded boxes and labels and stuff like that."

"You're a collector," said Megan.

Jillian burped, a discreet, air-valve release through her mouth. "Ha ha, yeah."

The phone rang. Megan picked it up and said, "Good afternoon, doctors' office." The woman on the phone asked if this was Dr. Billings's office. Megan answered in the affirmative.

"Well, finally," said the woman. "I left a message on your machine and I did not receive a call within twenty-four hours, as promised."

"How may I help you?" asked Megan.

"I was beginning to think Dr. Billings was a figment of my mind," said the woman. "Like I was imagining him, and that maybe I had dreamed leaving the message."

Megan sniffed.

"But when I checked my call history just now, I saw that I had really called." Megan didn't have the energy.

"Umm, hello, hello," said the woman.

"Yes, how may I help you?" said Megan.

"I'd like to make an appointment, like I said in my message. Should I just start from the top?"

"Could I have your name and availability, please?" said Megan. She thought of her current mindset as "allowing the shit to happen."

The microwave beeped in the background. The microwave was in the closet where they kept drug samples, and it sat on top of the mini-fridge. People used the mini-fridge to store both lunches and biological samples, side by side. Megan did not like to use the mini-fridge or the microwave. She did not like to think about

Halle Butler is the author of Jillian and The New Me. She has been named a National Book Award Foundation "5 Under 35" honoree and a Granta Best Young American Novelist.

Acclaim for Halle Butler and Jillian:
 
In its ability to induce paralyzing existential depression, the fiction of Halle Butler is perhaps matched only by those Black Friday news stories in which grandmothers get trampled in front of stacks of fifty-five-inch TVs. Jia Tolentino, The New Yorker

[A] claustrophobic, anxiety-inducing book. Lydia Kiesling, The New Yorker 
 
Few authors capture the acidic angst of downtrodden millennials like Butler.   Huffington Post
 
Butler [writes] with deft clarity and dry wit, turning expectation on its head . . . A frank depiction of modern indecency. Electric Literature
 
Droll, scatological, and delightfully subversive. The Rumpus

Hilarious and sharp.   New York Post 

So human that you ll want to push [the characters] away from you and cuddle them close at the same time. Flavorwire
 
Subversive . . . a frank account of discontent [and] a depressing yet exacting criticism of modernity.   PopMatters

Outrageous [and] amusing . . . [Jillian] reads like rubbernecking or a junk-food binge, compelling a horrified fascination and bleak laughter in the face of outrageously painted everyday sadness.   Kirkus Reviews

[A] poison pill of a novel . . . Butler s aim is perfect, and her touch deft.   Publishers Weekly
 
[A] striking debut. Booklist
 
This book is incredible. The deadpan way it nails what it is to be a human who lies to herself and tells different lies to everyone else makes me want to laugh and scream. It is hilarious and weird, my two favorite qualities in a book.   Lindsay Hunter, author of Ugly Girls and Don't Kiss Me
 
An authentic and beautiful portrait of a self-proclaimed asshole.   Chelsea Martin, author of Even Though I Don't Miss You
 
Halle Butler