Happy Not Perfect

chapter one

My Toxic Core Bliefs

At the heart of every human being is a desire to be loved and to love. Love is what protects us from the moment we enter this world. We discover early on that the love we crave is often conditional and in our delicate sponge years, we learn how best to get and give the love we want and need. From these experiences, we form a set of core beliefs for and about ourselves that shape our identity, influence our decisions, and construct the basis of the relationships we have with others.

No one is to blame for the core beliefs we created. They re survival strategies formed in our first environments, and not necessarily all driven by our parents, either. School, siblings, and friends also contributed key plotlines to the internal story we repeat daily, usually without realizing it. And we ll continue to play out the same words again and again until we become aware of the narrative we re stuck in.

Here s my story about my (faulty) core beliefs that were installed during childhood, how they turned toxic, and where they left me. As you read, have a think about the three core beliefs that were installed in your head, and how they re still filtering your reality (not in a pretty Instagram way).

As you ll soon see, what protected me at eight, didn t continue working as I got older.

Core Belief #1:

Not Good Enough

By eight years old, I learned that if I could just please everyone, I might then be loved, and nothing would feel better. But that was a tall order. I was never the smartest, funniest, prettiest, sportiest, had the nicest shoes or most delicious lunchbox. My mediocrity (and soggy cucumber sandwiches) meant I had to try doubly to get approval and win love.

It seemed like I was the only average child in my class growing up. Claire had the voice of an angel. Charlie had the coolest ponytail. Nick was great at swimming. And I had no obvious superpower to attract friends. I had a sense that if I were

Poppy Jamie is an entrepreneur, influencer, and rising star in the mental health and mindfulness space. She launched the Not Perfect podcast and the Happy Not Perfect app after four years of aggregating behavioral studies and developing the app with neuroscientists, researchers, and her neurotherapist mom. She has been featured in the New York Times, Wired, Fast Company, Refinery29, Forbes, Vogue, Bustle, Cosmo, E!, NBC News, and MTV.

After perhaps one of the most a­nxiety-ridden years in our recent history, this book by wellness founder Poppy Jamie is a welcome read . . . [Jamie] details her work with mental health experts and researchers to uncover effective brain-rewiring strategies. Through her experience, you ll glean advice on how to be more adaptable and accepting of our very uncertain world. mindbodygreen

Poppy is one of my favorite voices in the world, always in pursuit of understanding, information, and empathy. Jameela Jamil

Happy Not Perfect is a must-read if perfectionism, comparing yourself to others, and thinking you re inadequate is taking you down. The strategies here are well thought out, practical, easy to implement, effective, and life-changing. Using them, you ll experience breakthroughs that lead to less anxiety, more emotional freedom, and genuine connection with others. Thank you, Poppy Jamie, for gifting us with your FLEX approach! Joan Rosenberg, PhD, author of 90 Seconds to a Life You Love

For the past four years Poppy has been campaigning for better mental well-being education and accessible tools. She is inspirational and makes complex problems easy to understand. She teaches when you don t think you re being taught, so suddenly you leave a conversation with Poppy feeling amazing and realizing you know so much more than before you started. She s on speed dial when I need some words of wisdom mid-crisis! Suki Waterhouse

What Poppy does in Happy Not Perfect is marshal the evidence from a legion of world-renowned thinkers, living and dead, to demonstrate the reality that striving for perfection is counter-productive, that before we can be happy we must offer ourselves compassion and ultimately, that the solution to our own happiness is not external but internal. She offers innumerable examples and practical techniques that gives us the tools necessary to be the architects of our own happiness