Striving for Solace

This memoir describes the route our family travelled through grief and loss towards healing after our youngest son, Sean, took his life in 2012. He was 35 years old and had struggled for many years with depression and paranoia.

Through my passage of introspection, during bereavement, I needed to confront my own vulnerability and reach into formerly unacknowledged emotional depths. I realized that death and loss can wound each of us in many ways, unrelated to mental health, especially as millions now grieve the passing of family and friends during the Covid-19 pandemic.

I hope that our family's decade of striving for solace might provide a beacon of hope to others to steer through their own darkness. Many reminiscences, including joyous and unforgettable moments, later enabled us to cope with the anguish of our son's suicide. Memories were a central underpinning of support at the most difficult times. Guided by my son's questions and curiosity the memoir spans three continents. It reflects my keen interest in our memorable family visit to South Africa, his birthplace, and the brutality of apartheid that resulted in our immigration to Canada. The memoir also explores the intergenerational trauma of my father whose close family perished in Latvia during the Holocaust.

Hopefully lessons learnt in our journey towards acceptance might alleviate the suffering of others and lead to inner peace.