Ebenezer Jenkins' Christmas in Chicago (ePub)

Ebenezer Jenkins' Christmas in Chicago

Dive into the soul-stirring and humorously sharp retelling of the timeless classic, 'A Christmas Carol,' through a unique and satirical lens. Narrated by the vibrant, jive-talking duo, Madd and Dog2020, this version is bound to captivate even those indifferent to the Christmas spirit. Meet Ebenezer Jenkins, a miserly entrepreneur who uniquely runs Glad Wrappings Funeral Home cum Barbecue Joint. Here, the irony is as rich as the barbecue, where you might find yourself savoring your uncle's famous ribs in a posthumous feast.

Ebenezer Jenkins, a staunch Christmas despiser and averse to any form of charity, finds himself in cahoots with an unlikely partner: a crafty midget known as the "Serial Nutcracker." This pint-sized accomplice is notorious for his attempts to physically assail men, aiming to separate them from their wallets. However, limited by his stature, he can only wreak havoc to a certain extent, inadvertently earning a notorious reputation while inflicting amusing discomfort on his targets. This twisted tale of quirky characters and dark humor presents a fresh, uproarious take on a beloved holiday story, ensuring laughter and reflections on the true essence of the festive season.

Excerpt:

Christmas Eve snow, lacy like Victoria's Secret panties caressed Ebenezer's window. Folks carrying Christmas hams and bags of yams tripped and stumbled along the broken sidewalks. Some carried toys from China bought lovingly from Wall of the Mart. A few got full from cheap vodka and fruit punch and commenced to singing Christmas carols. They mixed up the Christmas songs with bits of old-time Gospel melodies.

Swing low silent jingle bells

As Mary weeps all ye faithful come

A rumpa dump rump. A rumpa dump come.

Oh Come ye to precious lord

Taking my hand to Jerusalem

A rumpa dump rump. A rumpa dump come!

"Dead cats," Ebenezer yelled at the carolers outside. They went away. But there was a thump and loud yowl at his window. When he peeked out, he stared straight into the dead eyes of a dead Persian stuck to the ice on his window.

Original Title: Christmas in Linken Park Chicago