Dissociative Fusion (ePub)

This project has been 4.5 years in the making and has changed my life. Diagnosed with complex PTSD with structural dissociation in 2017, I worked relentlessly with therapists to desensitize and reprocess my past, present, and future using EMDR, neurofeedback and CBT therapy. This book started unknowingly in October 2018 after a nightmare I had of my father that made me start writing again after years of not being able to. (Nightmares and vivid dreams are very normal during EMDR processing). And then I just couldn't stop...the words kept pouring out.

This poetry book chronicles the initial voyage of my healing and dissection of various trauma. Over time, it began to resemble a clear story. I found my own fragmented memories and emotional parts in my poems beginning to resemble a coherent narrative. My true self and core slowly but surely beginning to emerge and bloom. I found my voice again and hope. I found forgiveness, grace, self-love, and inner peace. I found patience with the process because healing is never linear. Most importantly, I found myself.

If you read the first poem and then the last, you can see the stark differences in the voice. A girl versus a woman. Fear versus courage. Impotence versus power. Pulsating and undeniable growth. I hope whoever is reading this can find their own hope, inspiration, medicine, and perhaps, the courage to heal as you bear witness to the journey of my dissociative fusion. Thank you.