The Power of a Positive No

Chapter One

Uncover Your Yes



In creating, the only hard thing s to begin; a grass-blade s no easier to make than an oak. James Russell Lowell

Perhaps the single biggest mistake we make when we say No is to start from No. We derive our No from what we are against the other s demand or behavior. A Positive No calls on us to do the exact opposite and base our No on what we are for. Instead of starting from No, start from Yes. Root your No in a deeper Yes a Yes to your core interests and to what truly matters.

Nowhere did I learn this more clearly than from a relative of mine who suffered from a serious addiction to alcohol that nearly cost him and others their lives in a car accident. He tried many times to give up the habit but always failed. Then at the age of sixty, just when all hope seemed lost, he found in him- self the will to say No and stop drinking. The secret? When my first grandchild was born, he says, I wanted more than anything to live long enough to see him grow up. It was his birth that motivated me to get treatment and stop drinking. Since then, for over fifteen years now, I have not touched a drop. His Yes to being present for his grandchildren to be able to play with them and see them grow motivated his powerful No to alcohol.

His story serves to illustrate an everyday paradoxical truth: the power of your No comes directly from the power of your Yes.

Your Yes is the underlying purpose for which you are saying No. The first step in the method is to uncover the Yes that lies behind your No. The deeper you go into your core motivation, the more powerful your Yes will be and thus the more powerful your No.



From Reactive to Proactive

The biggest obstacle to saying No successfully is not the other, however difficult they might be. It is ourselves. It is our all-too-human tendency to react to act with intense emotion but without clear purpose. We humans are reaction machines. And our Nos tend to be reactive. We accommodate

A world-renowned negotiator, mediator, and bestselling author, William Ury directs the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard University. Over the last thirty years he has helped millions of people, hundreds of organizations, and numerous countries at war reach satisfying agreements.

William Ury brings a marvelous blend of experience, insight, integrity and warmth to his work. In this wonderful book he teaches us how to say No with grace and effect so that we might create even better Yes. Jim Collins, author of Good to Great
 
Almost any brief comment on The Power of a Positive No would be trite. Suffice it to say that if I'd had and used this book for the last 25 years, I would have doubtless avoided innumerable heartaches and headaches and tattered personal and professional relationships. 'Original' is an embarrassingly overused word on book dust jackets, but, simply, this all-important book stands alone on a subject that underpins, like no other, jndividual and organizational effectiveness. Tom Peters, author of In Search of Excellence
 
The world's biggest shared secret is that most of us say yes when we really want to say no, in both our professional and private lives. Bill Ury generously provides us with insights and techniques to turn this malady into win-win solutions. This is a wise and powerful book. John Naisbitt, author of Megatrends
 
No matter whether you are negotiating compensation with the toughest CFO or a curfew for your teenager, this book teaches us a critical and counterintuitive lesson. You can say no and still be nice.  Simple, straightforward and easy to read, The Power of a Positive No is a yes on our reading list. Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval, authors of The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness